Tortall Hits the Mall
by Bria1
Summary: Lunch time! Will the group survive the food court? :) Basically, the Tortallan gang hits the Mall of America and has a bit of fun...
1. The Teleportation

~Tortall Hits the Mall~  


  
  
The sun was warm, the wind, comforting, and the clouds, well…there weren't any. Basically it was an all around nice day inthe capital city of Corus. And it just so happened that it was market day, and that a few very important citizens of Tortall were headed towards the central square.   
  
"Jolly! Market day!" Cried a young man named Owen.   
"I suppose." Sighed Thayet, the queen of the realm. "If only there was some good shopping around here. I mean, shops with reasonably fashionable clothes are _so_ hard to find." The rest of their party heartily agreed. They had seen the leather, cloth, grain, and metal so many times and desperately needed a change. The king came over to comfort his wife.   
  
"Don't worry, dear. We'll manage somehow." He said soothingly. Alanna the Lioness genially patted her shoulder while Daine, Numair, Kel, Rauol, Neal, Duke Gareth, Gary, and Owen came over to join in the condolences.   
  
Suddenly, there was a great flash of neon pink light. The land began to swirl in the eyes of the Tortallans.   
  
"THUNK!" They landed, one on top of another. Now, this would have been relatively okay if they had fallen on grass, or soft dirt, or hay but….they didn't. What they had found below them was none other than the underbrush of a concrete jungle…cement.   
  
"Ouch!" Exclaimed Daine.   
"This is certainly not jolly." Muttered Owen.   
"Quiet,everyone! All we need is…" but something cut off the duke's words of wisdom to be, and that was the gasps from the open mouths of his companions.   
"Uhh…guys…what's a …Mall of America?" Inquired Kel, for she had looked up and seen a great building of some sort of stone that was bedecked with an odd type of coat of arms. It had letters that formed the words "Mall of America".   
"Mall…" Pondered Thayet. "Isn't that street slang for market?" Her eyes lit up. "Well, what are we waiting for!?!?! Let's go check it out!" She hiked up her heavy skirts and began to run toward what appeared to be the entrance.   
"THUNK!" Again there came the thunking sound, only this time it was caused by the uncoordinated queen who had just proceeded in walking smack into a transparent wall.   
"What?" She rubbed the growing lump on her head. "What is the meaning of this?"  
"I think that's the door, sweetheart." Answered Jon. "I believe it's made of glass."  
"A glass door. A door made of glass…" Thayet could not seem to get over this idea.   
"Yes. A door of glass." Someone piped up.  
"So mote it be." Another chimed in.  
And with that, they entered the strange stone building with the glass door.  
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Chapter 2 coming soon! Lame, I know, but fun to write!  



	2. Daine's Adventure

~Tortall Hits the Mall~  
Daine's Andventure  
  
As soon as the door of glass had closed, the groups gasped once again. It was like stepping into a river of people who all donned strange garments of unnatural colors.  
  
"Oh for the sake of Mithros!" Thayet half-shouted in disgust. "That girl's stomach! It's...it...it isn't covered! And her hair! I wonder how she managed that shade of green."  
  
A series of cheeps, whistles, and barks caught Daine's attention.   
"Look!" She breathed. "A shop with birds!" She immediately set off toward the little inlet named "Animal Crackers Pet Supply Store". Inside, she ran to a man with a strange, mishappen sort of devive planted onto his ear. A long, twisted cord ran from the thing to the wall.  
  
"Pardon me, "she began. "I'm wondering if you carry any of those new magical tricks training books for wolves. You see, I'm beginning a study and the wolves and I are interested in including a bit of an excerpt from a two legger point of view and I.."   
  
"Gosh, lady! Dude! I'm on the phone!" The man said with disgust. "Go find your picket line." He added, glancing at her purely Tortallan clothes.  
  
Hmm...Daine wondered. I wonder why he was so touchy. Probably a fever. I mean, "phone"? "Picket line"? Madness! She turned and began to examine the rows and rows of cages containing varous species of animals. You poor things! She cried to them, but they did not answer.   
  
Suddenly, a small furry marmoset climbed from beneath her mass of tangled curls. Keys...said Zek.   
  
"Exactly what I was thinking!" She answered, delightedly. She took the keys from the animal and began to fit them, one by one, into the locks. Dogs, cats, lizards, and ferrits burst from their confinment and tore around the corner to the front of the store, knocking over the "Doggie Paradise" and "Kitty Condos" as the went.   
  
"DUDE!!! WHAT THE CRUD?!?!?" Came an obviousy angred voice.   
  
Ooops. I think I might have done something wrong...thought Daine as she quietly made her way to the main mall.  
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That was Daine's little adventure! Next it's time for Thayet to hit the GAP!   
  
  
  



	3. Thayet's Adventure

~Tortall Hits the Mall~  
Thayet's Adventure  
  
Meanwhile, while Daine was taking the liberty of releasing the animals of the pet store, Thayet's attention had been drawn to a large blue square with white letters that spelled out "GAP".   
  
*Gap?* she thought to herself. *Hmm...well, no harm in checking it out!* She ran towards the sign and was shocked to see what looked like headless people made of cloth. They were attired in more of the strange garments in colors that made Thayet look away.  
  
"Would you like to try out our new scent, ma'am?" A woman in an extremely form-fitting dress inquired of Thayet.   
  
"Er, uh...yes. Yes. Sure, why not." She replied, wondering what a "scent" was. She soon found herself being splashed with a cool liquid that smelled strongly of...was that willowbark tea? Thayet coughed. "Ugghh!" She exclaimed. "You dare throw willowbark on the neck of a queen?!?" She turned and headed to the rear of the store. *Humph! People of these land have no manners!*  
  
The racks and tables of clothes caused the Tortallan queen to stop and think for a moment. All around were giant posters of men who wore no shirts and a very strange, short style of breeches. Was this like a dress-maker's shop? She overheard two women talking behind her.   
  
"What is up with that outfit? I mean, the Middle Ages are so, like, gone." Remarked one.   
  
"I know!" Began the other. "I mean, no flashback gig could ever compare with the GAP. They always have the latest styles!"  
  
These words made the queen turn around. *Latest styles? Let me at 'em!* She leaped to the shelves and began throwing item after item onto her arm. *It's about time I redid my wardrobe!*   
  
She was obviously having too much fun. She managed to find the fitting rooms and began to try on the pile of clothes she had brought into the small room. *Try it on before you buy it!* She thought to herself. *I could begin to like this arrangement! Of couse, it's not a designer original, but I bet no one in Tortall has a gown like this!* She stood nad admired herself in the full length mirror. She now donned a tight boat-neck shirt that was colored a light lime green. She also sported an ankle-length black skirt with a pattern of flowers stitched near the hem. She grabbed a pair of black platforms and added them to her new, fasionable look.   
*There! Much better!* She went up to the small desk where people waited with clothes in their hands. Finally, she reached the front.   
  
"Can I help you?" Another woman asked.   
  
"Yes. I'd like to purchase these garments." The lady at the checkout gave Thayet a quzzical look.   
  
"Well, that's usually what you do at a checkout line." She said, sarcastically.   
  
Thayet responded with a simple "Oh." She handed the woman a few gold nobles. "That should cover it!"   
  
The queen smiled as she left the store. *Ahh...fashionable at last...*  
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He he he! That was fun! Tune in later to read about Owen's jolly visit to Camp Snoopy! :)  



	4. 

~Tortall Hits the Mall~  
~Owen's Adventure~  
  
A giant mechanical roar filled the air underneath the thick glass roof that enclosed Camp Snoopy, the amusement park in the center of the Mall of America. An annoying sort of tune traveled across the patches of astro-turf and plastic cobbled paths. "Jolly!" Said Owen aloud. "What strange structures these are!" He proclaimed, gazing at the rides and attractions. He began to stroll down the plasto "roads" and finally stopped at a tall wooden building that caught his interest. "Pe...pep...pepsi...ripsaw...roller coaster...?" What was a roller coaster? He stared up at the long forest-green track containing small coach-like boxes balanced on the main beam. "Well, I've nothing to lose!" He said merrily as he headed toward the building. He climbed the many stairs and was eventually lead to a long line of people. *What are they all standing around for?* He mused. Ahh, well, it was no concern of his. "Excuse me! Pardon me, good sir. I must get to the pepsi ripsaw roller coaster!"   
  
He finally managed to push his way to the front of the line. He burst through the gate and turn-style. The cars appeared to be full, but then an empty seat at the very back of the train opened up and Owen immediately took the oppertunity to leap in the air, scream "Jolly!" at the top of his voice, and leap into the vacant car.   
  
"Hey! This ride costs six points!" Yelled the attendant.  
  
"Dude! He skipped!" Hollered another.  
  
*Skipped?* Thought Owen to himself. *Skipped what?*   
  
The coaster gave a mighty screech as it began to chug it's way up the first hill in the track. "Jolly, and yet confusing." Remarked Owen. "Where are the horses? This isn't-" but he could say no more, for the pepsi ripsaw had just begun its first series of gut-wrenching turns. All sense of direction was taken from him, and the only thing left to do was scream...really loud.   
  
*What is this black thing for* He wondered, trying to find something to stop him from flying clear out of the seat. He gave the black bar a hard tug. It gave a small click and at the same time gave Owen a sense of pride for being able to figure out the safety bar. This was surely an accomplishment above all.  
  
Soon, a sick feeling found it's way into the pit of the squire's stomach. "I...I think...oh, holy Mithros I'm gonna..."   
  
It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened next. Bam. Owen's breakfast- all over the unsuspecting crowd below. And let me tell you, it was not exactly what would be known as a pretty sight. Lord Wlydon's "homemade" porridge never came up easily.   
  
When at last the horrible horseless ride had come to a halt, Owen scrambled out of his seat and found himself being pushed by the crowd down a series of stairs with a sign reading "EXIT" hanging above the landing. He followed more astro-turf to a squat kiosk with a line of boxes with glass screens lined up across the front.   
  
"Jolly! It's me!" Said Owen joyfully. And it was, a picture of him anyway. A picture of Owen with his mouth sretched wide in mid-scream.   
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He he he! I need a hobby... :)  



	5. 

~Tortall Hits the Mall~  
~Neal's Adventure~  


  
Many of the Tortallans had already began their adventures, but unfortunately Neal had not. He stood just outdside of Nordstrom's holding a bit of parchment in his hands. He turned the map of the mall around once again, but his confusion wouldn't leave him. How was he supposed to understand all of these turned-about diagrams anyway? He knew that Thayet had simply left, Owen had took off at a run toward some little diddy he'd heard coming from the center, and Daine had seen her ideal store right away, but Neal wanted to do things with a bit more order. He glanced at the map again. Like everything of this new world, it was bedecked in many vivid colors, that to Neal, only helped in inducing headaches.   
  
Suddenly, a red bubble with the word "NEW!" plastered in the middle of it caught his attention. "Osco...drug..?" He read the little blurp about this new so-called "Osco Drug." Medicines, perscriptions, health supplies, and more...all on the west side..."Ahhh!" He cried for all to hear. " It's a healer's market!" He took no notice of the odd looks being thrown at him and ran towards what he was guessing was the west wing.   
  
*Wow.* He thought to himself as he passed the lines of stores. *These folks sure have a thing for glass doors.* He made a mental note to share this piece of information with Thayet.  
  
After a few hopeless tries, he finally found himself standing in front of one of the largest sections of the mall. Large red letters reading "Osco Drug" gleamed from a banner near the ceiling. This had to be it! He stepped inside and was instantly awed by the rows and rows of bottles, jars, tubes, containers, and canisters. Each and every box or can was sported eye-smarting colors.   
  
At the end of each row, large dispalys for newer items were set up for customers to view and it was one of these that drew Neal and all of his attention. He stared at the table with inquiring eyes and took in the twelve ounce bottles reading "Day-Quil". He picked up a container and read the fine print below the lable. Take when tired...extra energy...Heck, who couldn't use some extra energy? With no knowledge of teaspoons, Neal quickly created his own system of measurements and downed the entire bottle.   
  
Now, if you've ever experianced the awful joys of Day-Quil or Ny-Quil, you know just how fast those concoctions begin to work. You're either drowning in snores or totally jazzed in seconds. Neal's case involved the latter.   
  
"Wahoooooo!" He cried, tearing around a corner. "This stuff is great!" He grinned foolishly and let out a giddy sigh. He left the store and went to find the other members of his party and to show them exactly how the fuzzy feeling in his head was giving him so much energy.   
  
With one final cry of "Make way for glass doors!!!!!!!!!" Neal skipped from the west side and off into the distant food court.  
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Insane, I know. Review anyway :)


	6. The Food Court

~Chapter 6~  
~The Food Court~  
  
"Alright everyone. I've completed some extensive research and it appears to me that this area of the glass-doored building is a section in which the people of this society buy their meals."   
  
"Shut up, Numair." Groaned Squire Faleron. "It's a food court, okay?"   
  
"Food!" Yelled Neal.  
  
"Umm....Neal..?" Kel threw Neal a quizzical look.   
  
"Day-Quil!" He announced. "The orange junk of our lives!"   
  
"Uh, right." Replied Kel. *Must be the glass doors.* She thought to herself.  
  
"Anyways..." Numair glared at the rest of them. "I believe it's time for lunch."   
  
The party cautiously advanced towards the different stalls. Each shone with numerous arrays of neon lights. "So, who wants to go first?" Dared Numair.  
  
"Oh for the love of Mithros, I'll do it you half-wits." This was Thayet, still struggling to carry her bags of clothes. She flipped her hair off her shoulders and confidently strolled to the nearest stall which bore the label "Wong's Wok". This one looked all right. Ahh...there was a checkout line here. She knew all about those from her GAP experiance. Her confindence boosted by her knowledge of checkoutlines, she stepped behind a tall, blond man who had just begun to order.   
  
"I'll have eight number 2's please." The man said to the clerk. He gestured toward a table full of tattooed bikers. "Make 'em big."   
  
After a minute or two of admiring the light-up signs, it was Thayet's turn to order. She slammed one fist on the counter as the man had done, spat a wad of saliva out of the corner of her mouth as the man had done, and then grunted. "I'll have eight number 2's please. And make 'em big." She then turned and pointed at the bikers as the man ahead of her had done.   
  
"One moment, please." The women at the counter told her. The queen stepped aside.   
  
"Hey, lady!" Thayet whirled around. "You think you're funny?" It was the bikers. She didn't understand.   
  
"What?" She stared at the eight muscular guys who had come up behind her.   
  
"Whoah ho! Now she's playin' dumb boys!" The largest one commented. He seemed to be the leader. "Yeah, look, we know when we're bein' flicked off." Thaye still didn't comprehend this. "YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE?" Hopelessly bewildered, she snatched her eight number 2's and high-tailed it all the way back to the table where her subject waited her.  
  
"Where've you ::chomp chomp:: been?" Numair asked between mouthfulls of taco. "This Taco Bell concoction is great!"   
  
Jon, in the mean time, could be seen scarfing down McDonald's Happy Meals and rinsing every so often with a guzzle of Coke.   
  
"I had a little problem in the checkout line, but the number 2's are here!" She grinned before taking a gaint bite of her seven punds of egg fu yon.  



	7. Kel's Adventure

~Tortall Hits the Mall~  
~Kel's Adventure~  
  
  
Filled to the brim with Thayet's egg fu yon, Kel hurried away from the food court to begin her own search for adventure. She followed the crowd on to some sort of moving platform, when she suddenly found herself rising into the air! She gripped the hand rail for dear life and crouched low to the unsteady metal. The clear walls of glass gave her a perfect view of the ground and currents of people below. *If I ever live through this I'll never be afraid of climbing trees again.* She told herself, all the while desperately trying not to look down. *What is this contraption anyway?* The platofrm then reached its end and Kel cautiously stepped on to blessedly solid ground.   
  
Looking around, she could see that she had come out on an entirely different section of the mall. There were carpeted paths with more shops, but for some reason there were also large cut-outs in between the adjacent hallways. Kel ran over to investigate, only to discover that a thin sheet of glass and a metal bar were all that separated her from open air. She quickly wished she hadn't looked. The entire chamber began to spin before her. The walls tilted, causing the entire picture to blow completely out of proportion. Dizziness was induced upon her. *Stop it, Kel! Stop it!* She mentally scolded herself. *You're over this! You can do it!* Over and over came murmurs of support from her mind as she calmly backed away from the railing.   
  
"All right." She said aloud. "I'm ready for this." She spoke af if embarking on a dangerous mission. "What's so scary about these barbarians anyway? They don't seem so bad."   
  
"I want my reserved copy!" A woman yelled from behind. Kel whirled around and found herself facing another massive crowd. It seemed a mob was trying enter the bookstore. Shouts rang throughout the passageway.   
  
"I ordered two!" Called a man.  
  
"Hey! I was ahead of you!"  
  
"No you weren't!"  
  
"Get outta my way!"   
  
From a quick scan of the area, Kel discovered the source of all the mayhem. It was a simple sign. A banner, really, hanging over the store enterance. Large, bolded, letters spelled the words "We Have the Sorcerer's Stone." Further down the sign, a single name was printed from one end to the other- Harry Potter.   
  
*Sorcerer's Stone?* The squire had heard of no such thing. *Well, whatever it is, I must find it before this Harry Potter character does.* This decided, she pushed her way into the mass of angry customers. *Could this stone have any relation to the Dominion Jewel?* She wondered. If it did, the king would surely be pleased.   
  
"Pardon me!" Kel cleared her throat and began to hollar. "I come from the mighty state of Tortall with business from his magesty, the king!" She waited for the crowd to clear, but suprisingly, it did not.   
  
*They must not know where Tortall is. They are, after all, barbarians.* Kel mused. Yes, that did sound like a logical possibility. If they hadn't ever heard of the country, they might not know it is important. Other measures had to be taken, no matter how darastic.   
  
The girl slumped to the floor and began to crawl through the many legs of the group. She carefully picked her way across the floor and into the shop. On a towering stand in front of her, thick volumes of books were shelved. On the top row, near the right end, a particular cover caught Kel's eye. She stood up, snatched the copy, and looked around her. When she was sure that no one was paying attention, she dropped once again and worked her way from the bookstore.   
  
Once safely to a bench, Kel looked at her prize and grinned. Embossed in gold, the title read, "The Sorcerer's Stone." *I've got it.* She thought with a satisfied sigh. *Now...to find king Jon...*  
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You'll never guess where Jon is! He he he! :) Don't worry, I'm almost done with that chapter so it'll be up soon. In the mean time, show you appreciate my efforts by reviewing this sad sign of my non-existant life! Thanks!   



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